What people are saying about MODERN LOVE & Cija Black!

Blog Reviews & Mentions

Book, Interview & Coaching Reviews

heart comment-Ashley Bennett – Student of Sorting Your Love Baggage & Coaching Client

Cija is an insightful coach that takes time to understand your situation and give you specific steps to improve your both your personal and professional relationships. I highly recommend working with Cija to learn how to navigate relationships successfully online and offline.

heart commentCija was one of my favorite guests on my radio show
(August 2013 Interview)
– Sandy Weiner of Last First Date Radio

Cija was one of my favorite guests on my radio show, Last First Date Radio ( ). She gave practical advice on how to sort through your baggage to become your best self and have your best relationship. She informed my listeners as to how to sort through their potential mate’s baggage to determine how much baggage is too much. Cija is wise, grounded, and has a big warm heart. I have heard only great things from anyone who’s read her book. I highly recommend Cija to anyone who wants to clean up their past and be the best version of themselves in order to attract the love of their life. It’s never too late!
Sandy Weiner is a world renowned dating coach & host of Last First Date Radio.  It’s an exciting show about attracting & sustaining healthy relationships in midlife. Don’t you want to go on your last first date? Blog Talk Radio Show:  Website:

heart commentCija’s Wit Won Me Over Right Away! (July 2013 Interview)
– Allana Pratt

Cija’s wit won me over right away. Her titles make diving into the dating adventure joyous. I especially like her guidance in reviewing the lessons learned on dates! What a powerful concept that keeps us OUT of our spinning mind and IN our awareness for red flags. She empowers you to know you are stronger than you think you are and to not prolong anything that’s not working. And if you’re honestly not that strong yet, the first half of the book helps you clear away emotional baggage. And she walks her talk. Posted on the Intimate Conversations website.

heart commentModern Love: Book Review
– Linsey A. Daman  the Single Successful CEO

Cija Black, Dating Expert & Relationship Coach has authored Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating.  This is a wonderful book especially in today’s computer era where online dating is ever-present.  The most beneficial parts of this book for me were the sections on “boundaries” and the “types to avoid.”  Many of us have dated one of the five types mentioned in her book so it was nice to see it spelled out from a psychological standpoint.  To point out a particular sentence that struck a chord with me, “odds are unless they are willing to take responsibility for their behavior they will move on and find someone who is more willing to have their boundaries violated.”  Exactly, this is precisely what happened with my last relationship; I wasn’t willing to put up with “x, y, z” so he basically moved on to find someone who would tolerate his undesirable behavior.
I enjoyed reading Cija’s boundary checklist and would like to note… that when someone is told “no…..they continue to plow forward with the same topic, conversation or action anyway regardless of your wishes.” Another good point about her checklist is … when some people see boundaries they see “an opportunity for an open negotiation or debate” rather than listening and accepting the fact the woman might not be interested.  I’ve paraphrased several of these sentences trying to establish my point that her book promotes positive behavior and respect in a relationship.  Whether you are traditional or “modern” as the book cover indicates the concept of respecting one’s boundaries is ageless and knows no decade.  Respect is neither modern nor traditional – it simply is what it is.I’ve had my emotional boundaries pushed, stomped on and disregarded over the years so it was actually rewarding to read all of Cija’s positive words and encouragement throughout this book.  I’ve only showcased one small section of her book, but there are many other sections that will help and improve other’s relationships.  Thank you Cija for authoring a wonderful book; it truly does help when one is single and searching. Posted on the Single Successful CEO Blog

heart commentInspiring
– Eva Dee (Amazon Review)

As a perpetually single woman, I have experimented with online dating a couple of times with no real results. Honestly, the whole thing was exhausting! I was going on date after date and I couldn’t figure out why I was being matched with these men that I felt I had nothing in common with.I was so happy to follow Cija Black’s advice. Her book, Modern Love, helped me to step back and decide what I am actually bringing to the table. What are my needs? How much baggage am I carrying around? What is stopping me from entering a relationship? This book asks the tough questions and really made me take a look at myself. I’d suggest actually getting a piece of paper and a pen and physically writing down the answers to the questions. Just reading the questions isn’t enough to really dig deep into yourself.

The book also helped me figure out how to establish my boundaries both on OKC and on actual dates. For example, I wondered if I had to respond to all the emails I was getting on OKCupid. I mean, sometimes I would get one-line messages like, “ur hot, u wanna chat?” What’s the etiquette there? Turns out it’s not necessarily rude to not respond to all messages, especially if they look like they’ve sent the same message to every woman on the site! Modern Love leaves no question unanswered; it really helps to have this resource to help wade through the muck of online dating.

So, this book has inspired me to give OKC another go. I’ve totally re-written my profile, updated my photos, and re-evaluated what it is that I’m actually looking for. Here goes nothing!

heart commentA must read for anyone considering online dating!
–  Kevin Darne

This book encourages the reader to first be honest with them self by doing some serious introspective thinking to determine their state of mind (prior) to deciding to venture into today’s modern world of dating. The first section titled (Relationship Archeology) is comprised of several questions that go beyond helping the reader to identify what they want in an ideal mate but also helps him/her assess their ideal self. Acknowledging deal breakers and boundaries are also covered here as well.

My favorite section has to do with Cija’s approach to online dating. Clearly she is writing from the point of view of someone who has learned firsthand through trial and error. It begins by reminding us that “Dating is not a root canal.” Our attitude towards dating affects how successful we will be.

This section also provides methods for evaluating online dating sites by creating an exploratory profile as well as offers insight into the mindset of those who have posted profiles by what they chose to reveal or not reveal about them self. Moving forward it offers a complete A-Z step by step guide to finding real love online. It’s as though the author is taking you by the hand and safely navigating you through a maze. I highly recommend this book for anyone who is contemplating using an online dating site. review

Kevin Darné is the author of My Cat Won’t Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) and  a Chicago Dating Advice Examiner for, providing advice and guidance in the tricky world of dating.

heart commentNo matter what stage of online dating you are in, this will be the only resource you will need.
– Barb Geisel

I have read Modern Love and find it extremely detailed and comprehensive.  Cija Black covers every possible aspect of online dating, right from getting out of your previous relationship, dealing with your baggage, writing a good profile online, and what to expect from a young relationship.No matter what stage of online dating you are in, this will be the only resource you will need.  Clearly Cija has been there herself, has learned her lessons well, and is able to rely her lessons in a clear and concise manner.  I believe this is a book that will be on your night stand for many months if not longer and you should refer back to it often.  You will save yourself a lot of time, frustration and heart ache if you follow her advice.

Thank you Cija for making sense of such a challenging process.

heart commentAn Online Dating Resource
– Gina W.

Need to know how to navigate the final frontier called online dating? Then, this book is for you! I found this book to be very informative, a straight talk guide to seeking love online.The author is not writing at you but to you in a helpful and insightful way. Online dating isn’t easy but not impossible to be successful at either.The book was written with much thought and detail helping one find their potential mate.Cija takes you on a journey from dealing with the past and stepping into the future with hope but also armed with knowledge to avoid the modern dating pitfalls. If you are male or female thinking about dating online then I highly recommend this interactive guide to showing you the way! review

heart commentModern Love or Just Practical Sense?
– Sharón L. Wyeth

Modern Love is quite informative chalked full of knowledge and opinions and suggestions. I found more examples of statements given would be helpful, yet found the topics relevant for people rejoining the dating game. The dating process is well covered and for someone deciding how they wish to go about dating once again, an excellent source of options. review

heart commentWorth taking the time to read!
– Giles Fabris

I get to read and review a ton of books about online dating…

Why this book is different

This book is different from a lot of other books for one simple (And very important detail) that instead of diving straight into the world of online dating and the Do’s and Dont’s; Cija focuses on whether people are ready to date first!

I found myself thinking about a good friend of mine (and more than a few women that I dated) who were coming out of messy divorces and insisted that they were OK to date! (they weren’t ready to even begin to start dating, yet loneliness and a desire to be loved prompted them to subscribe to an online dating website and go on date after date when they were simply not ready.)..the results were predictable and sad…jumping from bad date to bad date or even worse into incompatible relationships.

I wish I’d read this book a year ago…I could have given my friend my copy and forced him to read the first section called “Relationship Archeology”.
I love Cija’s concept of digging up the past and learning from it before going on dates!

The book starts with a checklist “You might not be ready to date if…” good solid advice here that could save people a ton of heartache if they read this!

There’s another useful checklist called “Why do you want to date” too

The theme of relationship Archeology continues with Cija giving her readers answers to questions like. “How exactly does happily ever after work?”, “Ideals, standards and Boundaries”, “looking back to move forward”, “separating your issues from your partners” and more and also goes on to offer helpful advice on personality types to avoid the not to be missed “The most important questions you will ever answer”.

The next sections of the book Cija covers the topics of Getting your profile online and Going on Dates and more…She offers practical common sense advice that seems to me to work. (My only comment is that there are some things that could be added to the section on photos-of course being the CEO of a dating profile photo company that will come as no surprise)

In summary
I can hear a lot of you saying…yes, but what a lot of work…and yes if you read this book and listen and apply what Cija recommends then this will involve a fair amount of introspection. But the results you get in your life will be worth it! ( review and also Blog post on

heart commentIf you’re not sure where to begin dating again, look no further. This is a great place to start!
– Anna Karimo

Modern Love was created by someone just like you. Cija Black knows the struggles of getting back out there after divorce and learning to date in the modern world. Cija says she wrote the book to help her “generation develop a fresh perspective on dating.” Following an introduction on why she wrote the book and her own relationship history she dives right in. From looking inside yourself to see if you are ready to get back out there or sifting through endless profiles, Cija has tips all along the way. I think you may need a bit of additional help setting up a profile, than Modern Love has to offer but once it’s up she has great ideas moving forward. Also, like myself Cija focuses on what you are really looking for in a relationship, not just in a partner which is so important when looking for someone to spend forever with.

If you’re not sure where to begin dating again, look no further. This is a great place to start!

Anna Karimo is the Founder of Nouveau Dating. To find out more visit

heart commentGreat Dating Manual
– Christine Baumgartner

I was honored to be asked to read Cija Black’s book. As a Dating and Relationship Coach it was wonderful to read how clearly she conveyed the necessary steps to guide the reader through the dating process in such an easy and relatable way.

From looking at and working through your ‘stuff’ through her discussion about the various steps in the dating process her advice is excellent. In addition she includes links to the information contained in her web site where she offers very helpful reference materials to use as you need it.

A delightful surprise was her personal transparency which contributes to making this book an important tool for singles because she discusses her personal missteps and successes that every person who is single has experienced and then clearly shares what she learned from this process which brought her to her current happy and fulfilling relationship.

I think this book would be helpful at any stage of the dating process. And I believe it will help anyone who reads it to have a more successful and satisfying dating experience.  ( review)

Christine Baumgartner – The Perfect Catch – Learn how to be one and how to attract one.

heart commentIf you’re not sure where to begin dating again, look no further. This is a great place to start!
– Anna Karimo

Here is Anna’s review: Modern Love was created by someone just like you. Cija Black knows the struggles of getting back out there after divorce and learning to date in the modern world. Cija says she wrote the book to help her “generation develop a fresh perspective on dating.” Following an introduction on why she wrote the book and her own relationship history she dives right in. From looking inside yourself to see if you are ready to get back out there or sifting through endless profiles, Cija has tips all along the way. I think you may need a bit of additional help setting up a profile, than Modern Love has to offer but once it’s up she has great ideas moving forward. Also, like myself Cija focuses on what you are really looking for in a relationship, not just in a partner which is so important when looking for someone to spend forever with.

If you’re not sure where to begin dating again, look no further. This is a great place to start!

Anna Karimo is the Founder of Nouveau Dating

heart commentA Must-Read for Growing Up & Finding Love On-line

Cija Black writes an insightful, first-person story about finding love on-line. Learn how to “read” profiles, recognize red flags, and filter your search to identify profiles from people who hold the potential you need. Craft your own profile with confidence and ATTRACT THE BEST PARTNER for you. This is a step-by-step, no-nonsense approach to becoming observant and introspective. If you are like millions of people who have decided to make dating a priority, learn how to be your own match-maker by reading “The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships…”
Relax, enjoy the journey, and go find your Modern Love! ( review)

heart commentModern Love Is More Than a Book!
– Rob Mapes

Most authors would be just content on writing a book. Cija took that to another level. What sets the book apart from others is that Cija has created a website and many social media channel’s to supplement your relationship growth and understanding. If you are serious about finding your next true love and want to understand how to navigate the online dating world then Modern Love and its resources are a must read for you. ( review)

Rob Mapes is the Owner of The Relationship Way

heart comment“Journey of Self Descovery”
– @mexigingerme on Twitter

Not only is this book helpful when it comes to dating and relationships but it also takes you on a journey of self-discovery. It asks you to ask YOURSELF questions that creates self-awareness and helps guide you towards insight on your own state of heart.

a dating and relationship blogger. You can visit her website at and you can also see her work on Singleswarehouse and WinkWisely.

heart commentBest Practices for Online Dating and Relating!
– Deborah S. Gibson “The World’s Happiest Divorcee”

Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating helps you set realistic goals and expectations, then shares common sense advice that helps you find (and keep!) the relationship you desire.

As an online dating aficionado, I especially appreciated Ms. Black’s reviews on the dating sites she has used. She introduced me to some new ones, and differentiated between the ones most of us have already heard of very well.

Discussions on profile-building and safety were excellent. I am very happy that Ms. Black has tackled these two important parts of online dating in such a positive and thoughtful way. Some of the things she shares, like having a dedicated email address and meeting separately in a public place until you get to know a new “him” or “her” are not well-known but very important when meeting and mating via internet dating.

I often get questions from women and men about the details of online dating post-divorce. I haven’t been able to recommend books I’ve read up to now. But because Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating (Sample) deals with all phases of dating (before, during and after) so well, I will refer them to this one! ( review)

Deborah S. Gibson is the author of “Make Your Divorce Cost You Less – what to know…what to do”, a frequent online dater and is known as the “World’s Happiest Divorcee”.

heart commentGreat info even if you are in a relationship

In the interest of full disclosure, I read this book because I know the author, but I was surprised to realize that, despite my being engaged, I still got a TON out of it! The whole first section deals with self introspection, which was loads of fun for me to evaluate my current relationship. Cija walks the reader through gentle exercises designed to help really define what you want and what you don’t before you go online to try to find it…which, to me is the big differentiator of this book from all the advice on how to date online. This one isn’t just about marketing and getting the biggest exposure to a bunch of potential mates that you don’t want anyway, it is about targeting your search and having some fun while you’re at it.

I have given copies of this book to 3 of my friends now, and they are all having a blast embarking on this journey after years of not dating at all. I highly recommend this book for anyone that is a little afraid of online dating…it can be daunting and this book really brings it down to size and takes the fear out and replaces it with confidence of purpose!( review)

heart commentTerrific advice for anyone seeking a loving partnership –
– Susan E. Winter

Finding and creating a meaningful relationship in today’s modern (and shifting) world is confusing to most people I know. It seems like modern-day dating is getting harder, not easier. This book is an excellent guide to discovering our perfect relationship model, crafted by the “real” us. It includes practical and applicable advice; from our own readiness to the first date and beyond. As an author/relationship expert I’m constantly disappointed in the garbage I read being passed off as “advice.” This book is wonderful! Insightful, real and practical. ( review)

Susan Winter is a NYC based relationship expert on Oprah and all major outlets. You can see her bio at:

heart commentModern Love walks beside me
– focaccia

You can feel the positive energy of someone who wants you to succeed with your dating goals throughout the entire book . Cija Black breaks the dating process down into approachable steps and makes it accessible to folks at all stages of the dating process. ( review)

heart commentFinally, a relationship book that works!
– Stuntzie

This book is perfect for people who are ready to shelve the “Twilight search for sparkly love BS” and get down to the business of having a real relationship. The advice was sensible and easy to follow, and will help you find grownup love in today’s slightly terrifying, extremely complicated dating arena. It takes you step by step through the process of clearing out your own emotional baggae (check those bags at the gate, folks, Modern Love airlines has no room left for that suitcase full of your ex’s Matchbox 20 cds and old crappy t-shirts) and prepares you with the skills to make a quality emotional connection with your potential suitors.

The best part of the book was the “you’d think it’s common sense but how many of us blow it?” section that deals with online dating; it helps to have a “rulebook” about this stuff, as online dating can be emotionally treacherous and potentially dangerous. I wish I had this book 20 years ago, it would have saved me a lot of time and heartbreak! ( review)

heart commentI highly recommend Modern Love to anyone entering the dating arena
-Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW, Author, therapist, speaker

Modern Love: The Grown-up’s Guide to Relationship and On-line Dating by Cija Black is a comprehensive book about dating that answers many of the questions people have about dating in the 21st century. Ms. Black gives us her firsthand experience, information from experts, and detailed information about how to examine your past and take the lessons learned to pick an appropriate partner. I agree with her that you have to look back to move forward. Further, she helps readers define what they want and need in a partner to thrive in a relationship. For those readers who use on-line dating, she offers practical information. Ms. Black advises her audience to proceed with caution and to pay attention to red flags when dating. I highly recommend Modern Love to anyone entering the dating arena and looking for a guide to help them navigate the tricky waters of dating without losing their integrity and the dream of finding lasting, passionate love.

Terry Gaspard MSW, LICSW, is a licensed therapist, college instructor, and non-fiction writer, specializing in divorce, women’s issues, children, and families. She is also the co-founder of

heart commentThis is a great book
-J. Murgia

I’m a mess of a human being, especially my dating life. I’ve had terrible dating experiences for the last couple of years and I have been doing some soul searching. I found this book funny and insightful. It is filled with great advice that when you apply to your life can really help you out. I’m not quite there yet but her book has helped me figure out where I was going wrong. Buy this book!!!! ( review)

heart commentDon’t Date Without It
R. Agredano “Snowbird”

Have you been around the block a few times? Are you ready to commit to finding a solid, lasting relationship without drama or games? Then Cija Black’s book is for you!

Let’s face it; we all have issues and behavioral patterns that prevent us from getting the love we want. If you’re sick of repeating the same bad relationship scenarios in your life, Modern Love will help you look inward and carefully consider the reasons behind your relationship choices. You’ll learn how to apply that new knowledge about yourself by crafting an online dating strategy that’s fun, safe and productive.

Ms. Black’s sound advice will help you meet well-matched individuals who can enrich your life and help you grow, instead of drag you down.As a long-time friend and colleague of Ms. Black, I can personally vouch for her astute approach toward dating and relationships.

Over 16 years ago, she provided me with guidance and insight necessary to help me break free of my “bad boy” dating habits, which ultimately resulted in marriage to the love of my life. My husband and I are 15 years strong and counting, and I’m truly indebted to her for our happy marriage.

If you’re ready to break your old habits and experience a real, lasting romantic relationship, pick up a copy of Modern Love. Change can be scary but with Ms. Black along for the journey, you’ll get through it a whole lot wiser and more attractive to the good types of people you want and deserve in your life. ( review)

heart commentReady to date? You need this guide
– Nancy Z

This guide says it is “ideal” if you are in your 30’s or 40’s, but I have seen Cija Black’s approach work for people who are 20 all the way to 82 years old. If you are finally ready to take charge of your love life and stop waiting for a relationship to find you, this is the step-by-step resource you need.

When I found myself divorced at 40 years old with two small children, my father told me, “You will never find a man who wants a woman with children. In fact, statistically you will be alone the rest of your life.” By taking charge of my own love life with many of the tools described in the book, I am now married to a man who loves me and my children like we have never been loved before. Sorry to prove you wrong, Dad! ( review)

heart commentVery Insightful Guide to Navigating the Online Dating World
– Tracy Fagan, Dating Coach & Author

This book is a great guide for those who are venturing out into the dating world…AGAIN! Cija Black does a great job of breaking down and describing both the internal and external work that needs to be done for successful online dating. The part of her book that I like the most is how she challenges the reader to have fun with the dating experience…it’s not a root canal!

Tracy Fagan is a Dating Coach and the Author of Gratitude, Giggles & Grace, book that takes a humorous look at Tracy’s dating journey, and gives many concrete examples of the advice Cija offers in her book. ( review)

heart commentAwesome dating guide!
-Della Green

I love Black’s no nonsense approach to dating, starting with evaluating if you’re even ready to date! Wish this book existed when I was dating, but for now, I can think of several people I know that would benefit from the wisdom inside. ( review)

heart commentGreat guide to finding love in the digital age

-Mr. N. Daws (Staffordshire, UK)

Modern Love is a must-read guide for any singleton looking to find their perfect partner. It’s aimed especially at people who may be coming out of a previous relationship and unsure how the rules of the game have changed – hence its sub-title “The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships and Online Dating.”

Cija Black has been through this herself – several times – and her experiences underpin this book, giving it warmth and empathy. She starts by stressing the importance of really getting to know yourself and what you are looking for from a relationship.

Online dating is one of the main ways single people connect nowadays, and a large part of the book is devoted to it. Cija discusses the pros and cons of internet dating and (if you decide to try it) advises on how to make the most of the opportunities it offers, while avoiding time wasters and ensuring you stay safe.

The book also covers how to approach going on a date – what to do, what to say, and how and when to pursue the relationship or move on without (hopefully) any hard feelings.

If you’re single again and looking for a new partner, in my view you couldn’t do better than read Modern Love. It will give you all the tips, advice and information you need to have the best. ( review)

heart commentA must-read for serious on-line daters
– Carol Page

I am really impressed with this book. It is well written, easy to read, fun, and packed with incredibly useful information. Modern Love not only helps you through the scary and potentially frustrating world of on-line dating, but gives some solid and invaluable advise to be applied before you even get to putting up a profile. I thoroughly recommend Modern Love to anyone who is serious about on-line dating. ( review)

Carol Page is a Personal Life Coach. She coaches to a full spectrum of life issues and has significant professional experience in supporting people following trauma, bereavement and other personal crises.  Her specialty is relationship coaching.

heart commentThis is not your mama’s dating book!
-D Grace

This is not your mama’s dating book. Meeting the love of your life has changed and it’s a brave new world out there where things like online dating must somehow translate into real intimacy. This book offers suggestions that are refreshing and practical.

Dawn Bayer Grace is an interactive, intuitive, solution-focused coach and hypnotherapist. With positivity, compassion and understanding, she works with each individual to help them build on their strengths and attain the goals and personal growth they are committed to accomplishing. You can find out more here.

heart commentThe essential guide to love and dating in the digital age
-Dan Golden

This is a great book for anyone getting back in the dating game as an adult (in their 30s or 40s). It would also be a great read for younger people wanting to understand themselves better and avoid making the common mistakes us (slightly) older folks have made along the way in our relationships. ( review)

heart commentPlaying It Smart
-Smilin Dynimite

Cija Black’s book, Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating, couldn’t have come at a better time.  After the breakup of a long-term relationship, I needed to take a breather to sort out my grief, and understand the patterns I was making. When reading, “Modern Love,” I was struck by the sensibility to using online dating as an effective tool to finding your mate. But what I found most helpful was it’s approach on how to sort through your own personal emotional baggage, boost self-esteem through personal validation, map out both good and bad patterns in finding someone, and creating a written model for not just your ideal partner, but the ideal you.

With all the media hype around a certain football player who has made himself out to be a victim to the process of online dating, I couldn’t help but reflect on Cija Black’s book.  She advises how to wisely meet people and conducting yourself online. This pragmatism carries on into the third section of the book, which is about going on an official first date, by actually meeting someone face-face, and shares safety tips to keep it a healthy and fun experience.
The author writes in a very clear, concise and warm manner – it feels like you’re getting the best possible advice from your wisest friend. I was surprised by how much good information was packed into Modern Love – it really is the only book you’ll need on the subject of relationships & dating in the digital age. Highly recommended. ( review)

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