It’s true I ran off to Vegas and eloped with a man I fell for online and not only that, he lied, cheated and stole from me. But I did it anyway. I couldn’t help myself and I’m not ashamed.
Dave and I met in 2010, I was going through divorce, living on my own again after 10 years and dove into the brave new world of online dating. And although I had met my first husband online in the early days of internet dating, being off the market for 10 years is a lot like being cryogenically frozen when it came to dusting off my dating skills. Both dating and my own expectations about romance had changed quite a bit in a decade, but I was eager to see what the dating pool had to offer. I was in what I like to call my “dating frenzy” for a month or so when Dave and I connected online. Initially I tried to block him on OKCupid because his pics came across as a bit intense, but was clearly I was unsuccessful at that. J Needless to say he struck up an online chat, that lead to a 3 or 4 hour conversation and the fire was lit. I was a goner.
He lied to me
He told me he wanted something casual. He had been off the market for quite some time and in the past had taken his relationships a rather intensely. As a result he wanted to try the casual route for once. I appreciated his honestly and took that to mean what most men mean when they say that. Which is: “I’m seeing you and a bunch of other people, let’s have fun, no strings attached and that’s as much as I will commit to.” Turns out, Dave’s definition of “casual” was nothing like that. It was something more like 24 hour a day mind-and body melding with barely time to take a breath. I quickly developed feelings for him and told him so, he met those feelings with the same pitch. I told him one day I felt I might be developing feelings for him…his response? “Isn’t that a good thing?” Casual, yeah right.
I was used to men that were uncomfortable with communication, saw discussions about the crunchy stuff akin to pulling teeth. So when I turned to some of my old standbys in communication, like slowly eeking out the truth and holding back my feelings, he turned the whole game of love in its side. He was honest and direct and expected the same in return. He didn’t allow me to pull any of the typical female tricks of hinting around at what I felt, hoping he would get it or figuring it out through osmosis. He actually made me state my wants and desires AND he supported it! No longer was I allowed to skirt around issues, hint at my feeling or expect him to magically figure out what I wanted. He required direct and open communication, and was actually strong enough to handle it. What guy does that?
He was a thief
He pretty much “had me at hello”. From the moment we met I was hooked. Yes, yes, he was tall, handsome and confident, but he was so much more than that. I talked he listened. Actively. He sincerely wanted to know what I was passionate about a luxury I hadn’t allowed myself to even consider in years. In turn he shared his own dreams, goals and ideas. He actively encouraged us to create a new framework for the kind of relationship that we wanted, not what anyone told us we “should” want.
Together we carved a path just for us down the road of love. He stole my heart and I have no interest in getting it back, particularly since he gave me his in exchange.
Nauseatingly perfectly imperfect
3 ½ years have gone by since we met and I am thankful for each and every day that we get to learn together and from each other. November of last year we bought a house and a week later eloped in Las Vegas on the strip. And in case you’re wondering, no, we didn’t opt for Elvis to officiate the ceremony, although it was clear our minister could’ve easily passed for The King.
I suspect this all sounds nauseatingly perfect and for us it is. But that’s’ only because we allow for imperfection along the way. We make room for mistakes, for growth, for learning and we never assume forever, although that’s our intention. But from the very start, Dave was adamant about is belief that for any relationship to last a long time, it can’t use a marriage vow as a crutch, it has to be attended daily.
So the next time you hear someone say they fell in love and married someone they met online don’t assume it’s some tabloid headline. Sometimes it really does work out.
P.S. We have some other news!
I am excited to announce that Dave and I are starting a weekly podcast called Love Bombs on Podbean. You can listen below and find out more here. We will be posting every Sunday so be sure to follow us. February 2nd show is called My Crap, Your Crap and is all be aware of your emotions and keeping them in check particularly when they have nothing to do with your partner.
P.P.S. More News!
Modern Love Guide has a bunch of other news to share, that we don’t want to clutter this post with so check out Give Yourself Some Love in 2014!